Potorch's Life

Ink didn't work. Pencil didn't work. Digital art? LOL, no. My hands lack the skill to accurately express the images I see in my head. But what my hands lack in skill, it seems my mind can make up in detail. And so, I give you this piece, which I have named "Freedom."

dark, heavy clouds flicker with lightning. there is an unpaved foot path, wide and much traveled. everywhere surrounding there is statuary, reminiscent of a graveyard, but there are no dead kept here. off to the right side of the path there is a large obelisk of grey stone. From the front juts a platform that tilts forward, the better to imperil its occupant. His arms are bound behind his back, bound together from wrist to elbow by thick straps. He slumps forward from exhaustion, his long black hair obscuring his face. He kneels upon his platform, leaning forward as if he would fall. A chain from his elbows to the top of the obelisk's face keeps him there. A trickle of blood leaks from his mouth. His wide, grinning mouth. Tears flow from his eyes and mix with the blood on his chin as he whispers the words, "I'm free!"

... starting a vlog. I'd just talk about random shit. I'd try to update it more than I do this, but I don't know how well that would work out. should I give it a try?

I should have written this down hours ago, most of it has faded by now. I dreamed that I was back in chenoa and I could fly, sort of. All my old friends from there were calling me gay but not the way they normally would. Then we all went floating down the main street.

After over almost three years, this blog has been revived! All will bow down and worship the awesome that is mEE! Anyhow. Ellie has been asking me to start a livejournal for days now, so I said screw that, I already have one! I will probably use this mostly for recording dreams to try to find a pattern in my precognition. My life really doesn't seem interesting enough to write about on anything resembling a daily basis. Ellie tells me this is a good place to voice my feelings, but isn't livejournal whiny enough without my help? lol my pic is so emo. If something online really catches my fancy, I may post it, but I wouldn't really count on it. So, goodbye for now, I'm back, and good morning!

all around me I see excuses to stop living. how pathetic I look even to myself. whatever, it doesn't matter. I won't give them the joy of having beaten me.

I slept 15 hours last night and have been tired all day. Maybe I'm sick, I dunno. wish I could sleep for a week. and people are ignoring me.

I gave blood a few hours ago. I know some people are scared of needles, but it's not that bad. I got a little dizzy afterward, but not too bad. It took longer than I would have liked, apparently blood leaves my body very slowly, the nurse said so. Strange thing is, I feel better now than before I gave blood.

I see a world of warmth beyond myself. I am trapped in this prison of ice I seem to have built for myself. The world of warmth is all around me, but I do not know how to reach it. When I see someone in a similar situation I have to laugh, they get it. But then they find the way out of their ice prison while I remain stuck in mine. I laugh at how pathetic I am.

Time is a measure of the change of energy. As the energy level in the universe is constant, time is illusory.
had to write it down before I forget.

I quit my job at the post office at about 2:30 this morning. The pay was good, but I couldn't keep up with the hours of midnight to 8:30. I was never late, but I was always slow. The pay was really good, so I didn't want to quit, but I was just too tired. Whatever, now I need to find a new job. Eh... Zombies, random explosions, fishbombs, and other random things.

Valentine's day is for couples. I don't think I have ever been part of a couple, so I am bitter. I guess that being able to step back and examine my perspective is a good thing, but it makes me so angry anyway. I have been grounded for over a month now and I still am, but I am going out with friends anyway because I have the night off and I need the stress relief. Ben said that he would fight me again next time I came over. I'm really looking forward to it. I will probably have my sharpest wits because of my bad mood, so I hope I don't offend them too bad. Want to die. But I got paid on friday, over 600 dollars. If it had been much less I probably would have quit. My back hurts for days. I had a cold sore that got on my nerves, so I tore it off. Now I have a big scab on my lip. I hope throwing around 70 pound bags of mail for hours has made my stronger. zombies, random explosions, fish

Yes, I'm dying. The doctors estimate that I only have another 80 years or so left. But seriously, I think my job may soon start causing me to have health problems. I already feel like I have a cold all the time, and I don't. I almost wish my feet would fall off so that they would hurt less(and I could get handicapped parking). Tossing around 70 pound bags of mail from midnight to whenever they decide to let me leave is hard work. My back has been hurting since last week, so I'm told to stretch. Now I have a flexible sore back. And I never thought I would end up missing the afternoon sun. But I got paid today, and it was over 600 dollars, so I'll forgive them this month.

to start with, things here that have been bothering me. I tried to go to my recent entries page and after about half a minute of loading my browser tells me that the page cannot be oppened because of too many redirects. Um what? so I try again and it still doesn't work. why is this happening!!!?? it worked yesterday!! but anyway...
woke up at 10:00 PM because I had work at midnight. I work first tour at the post office. great job. I'm usually there from midnight to 8 am. today/night I got a nosebleed. I didn't bleed on any mail, but it bled a lot, most of it going to my stomach. one of my coworkers told me to go sit down and got me a bag of ice. apparently cold helps stop the bleeding. it stopped and I went back to work, but then the blood started bothering my stomach, so the manager sent me home. now I have to stay awake until noon so that I don't fall asleep at work.
to finish, some awesome stuff.
http://www.stupidvideos.com/sports_humor/martial_arts_hops/
http://www.stupidvideos.com/just_plain_stupid/song_and_dance/hobbitstoisengaardfolkrock/
http://www.stupidvideos.com/commercials/Legend_Of_Zelda/
http://www.stupidvideos.com/just_plain_stupid/song_and_dance/arcadeacapella/

I have been hired for a job at the post office. I will have job training on monday, tuesday and wednesday, from 8:00 am to 3:00 pm if I remember correctly. This will cause me to miss class for those days. I am being trained for third shift mail handler. If I understand correctly, this means that I will be sorting mail. Between the hours of midnight and 8:00 am. I start on wednesday night. After training earlier that day. I need to get in contact with Nick to see if I can sleep the afternoon at his house so I don't have to make two trips to bloomington in the same day. I tried to talk my way out of grounding for tonight so I could go get Nick's address from Ben, but I couldn't. Which brings me back to the subject. I was so angry that I attacked my foot with my wooden sword and crushed rocks together in my hands until they cut me. Now my foot hurts and I have rock chips on my floor. I wonder if I will ever learn my lesson. To finish, a haiku I thought of last spring at about six in the morning.

Why is it that a philosopher philosophizes? It doesn't follow common english. A philosopher should be one who philosophs, but that isn't a word as far as I know. Anyway, on with the real philosophy.

The future is bright, don't stare at it too long or you will hurt your eyes.

One flaw that exists in organized religion is found in the base human instinct of greed. Buddhist temples often have large golden statues of Buddha. The catholic church has its lavish trappings of precious metals and fine cloths. Islam has its richly decorated mosques. The numerous christian denominations are constantly raising funds for church add-ons. Judaism is no better. All of this is a distraction, focusing the mind even further on the sins of his equals. rather than encouraging the introspection that might cause a lessening of further sins.

True happiness can never be found in attempting to sate one's own desires. This is because desires are fluid and refuse to remain sated. True happiness can only be attained through wholeheartedly attending to the needs of those around you. Ensure that they are needs, and not just errant desires.

To finish up, I will relate an occurrence of 4:30 this morning. My brother wanted me to wake him up to watch Yu Yu Hakusho. At 4:29, I went and started poking at him to tell him to get up because the show was on. He sat up and started talking to me. He sounded awake. He wanted to watch the show, but he also wanted to go back to sleep. As I was leaving the room to let him make up his mind(he went back to sleep), I said "Do what you want." He moaned like he just found out he had double homework! So I said, "Ok, do what you don't want?" and left. I just thought that was a little odd.

a new year, a new chance to fail. I'm grounded because I got two D's and a C last semester. Dad says I'll never get to medical school with grades like that, and I am inclined to agree. Today I got permission to go back to wingtsun class. I figure the physical activity will help jar me out of this lethargy. Our teacher's teacher was taught by Bruce Lee's teacher and is the basis for jeet kun do, if I remember correctly.

I went to see Narnia today. Decent movie, I won't say much because I don't want to spoil it for anyone who happens to read this and have not seen the movie. I went to a party last night. Drunk people are funny, but I always reserve designated driver for myself. Spent the night at Ben's house. I am having the physiological response that I normaly associate with strong emotion, but I cannot identify what I might be feeling. My stomach feels strange, not sick, not hungry, not full, but not normal. My energy level is up, but I can tell it's not real energy. My saliva tastes metallic. Maybe I ate too much snow yesterday. Finals must die.

dad says I can't go to a three hour a day sleep schedule this time of year because of finals, oh well. I was at a friend's house tonight and we had a freestyle combat tournament. I lost, but it was fun anyway because they got a little freaked when I laughed as my windpipe was crushed. They said I should have given up, but practitioners of old shoe style never give up, they wait for their opponent to get tired while being pounded on to no effect. I lost because of the time limit. Oh, right, and impending sense of doom. I get that every year around now even though I like the snow.